So, I've seen the "Van Helsing" trailer

[retro_eidas]

I'm going to be honest here. Watching it, I got a major (major) "Underworld" meets LXG meets I would do anything for love but I won't do that vibe off of it.

So what the dialogue is on par with anything I'd expect from "The Mummy Returns" or "The Scorpion King" (Thank you Stephen Sommers. Asshat)? So what Kate Beckinsale is in it? So what Dracula non-bat form doesn't look remotely threatening (Maybe that was purposeful to make his Bat form all the more scary [but not]? ::grasping straws::)? So what Dr. Van Helsing seems to be a John Woo fan (what fictional badass these days *isn't*)?!

Hugh. is. shirtless. in. trailer.

And when I say "shirtless" I mean... Drops down on his knees, screaming in some glorious agonized way, TEARING his shirt off. Tearing. ::watches again:: Fuck.

This movie could be one big piece of crap (and in all indications, probably will be) with a side of ass... but just as long as there are extra portions of that ass... Stephen Sommers can throw all the shitty "Scorpion King" dialogue he wants at me siphoned through block-o'-wood-Beckinsale, but that *tearing of shirt* scene? Duuuuude. Deserves a fucking Oscar. To hell with Frakenstein, Wolfman and Dracs. Hugh. Tears shirt. ::fights urge to jump around room, melt into pile of goo and weep openly all at once:: Hugh's chesticles (TM Fametracker) have my $9.50. Always. ;)

This summer is going to be brutal on my ovaries. In between VH and "Troy" (Which has measures of pretty undoubtedly far outside of federal approval)... I just don't know what I'm going to do.

Comments

[misskatherine.livejournal.com]

Absolutely. I was getting an excited thrill for the movie up until I saw the CGI huge thing throw Hugh. That looked just like the shitty Dr. Jeckyl creature from League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. And it's all dark and moonbrighty like Underworld. But you're right, That Scene could save the ship. ;p

[eido.livejournal.com]

I was getting an excited thrill for the movie up until I saw the CGI huge thing throw Hugh.

Ugh. That thing was particularly bad. I totally agree it looked looked like LXG's Jeckyll/Hyde, with a tinge of Ludo from "Labyrinth". I'm not sure if "Army of Darkness" was what they were going for, but slo-moing the trailer, there were definitely AoD moments. But AoD is *supposed to be* a B-movie. Is this VH B-movieness intentional?

And it's all dark and moonbrighty like Underworld.

Overly expensive, pretentious "gothic" look that almost always ends up looking cheap. Eh. Although I had my suspicions when I first read the premise of this movie the only reason why I'd see VH is for Hugh. The shirt-tearing just sealed the deal. ;)

[eido.livejournal.com]

Guess what? That *thing* is supposed to be Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde apparently according to AICN. That means Frankenstein, Wolfman, Dracula *and* Jeckyll/Hyde are all in this movie. OY! That Hugh shirtless scene better not be cut from the screen print, that's all I have to say.